An Army Girl

The Whore, The Lesbian, and the Bitch


They say there is only one of three things a woman can be in the ARMY: a whore, a lesbian, or a bitch.  Doesn’t give a girl much room, does it?  Not that what you’re labeled really matters.  From time to time your title will change.  One day you’re the whore, the next the bitch.   In the beginning I was actually the “stuck-up bitch.”  In laymen terms that means I wasn’t putting out.  Well, I was, just very, very discreetly.  Reputations in the ARMY are like cds, one scratch and you’re fucked.  

Now the title of Whore can consist of anything from actually screwing, perceived screwing, or just rumor of screwing.  Actual screwing should be pretty self-explanatory.  If you need a definition, go ask someone else.  I can’t help you there.   

Perceived screwing is always a fun one.  If you’re friends with a guy, then you must be screwing.  If you’re so much as talking with a guy, then guess what, you’re screwing.  If you had a five minute conversation in passing to ask ones opinion on the weather then, yup, you guessed it: screwing.

Rumor of screwing can be anything from a male friend telling everyone and their mother that you and he screwed, to a man who happened to see you pass by and tell another friend, “oh yeah, I hit that.”  This, of course, spreads like wildfire until what started out as a simple nod or hello on the street grows into you somehow having gotten half naked on a pool table, swinging your shirt over my head and screwing every guy in the bar.  If I wasn’t so pissed about the rumors, I might have even been impressed with the creativity in which these men crafted their stories.  

Lesbian is very rarely in actuality a lesbian.  By ARMY definition, lesbian is just a girl who won’t put out.  At all.  The reasons for this can be, one, you have a boyfriend at another post or back home, two, the men at the post don’t interest you since half of them have the IQ of a walnut, or three, religious reasons.  I’ve seen quite a few pious women fall under the “lesbian” stamp.  The only way to convince the mass of military men that you are not, in fact, a lesbian is to actually have sex with one of them.  Preferably all of them.  In public.  That should clear your name.  Of course, now you’ve just became the Whore.  But at least you’re not the Lesbian anymore, right?

Bitch is sort of like Lesbian, but with a dash of Whore.  Bitch is a girl who puts out, but just not to everyone.  Meaning you’re sitting at a bar, minding your own business as you try to buy a drink without half the bar offering to get it for you (there as assuming if you do let them buy you a $4 drink, you own them sex.  A rather unfair trade, if you ask me).  You’ve had sex in the past (because come on, a girl has needs) and now every male on the post knows it.  One approaches you with a hopeful glint in his eye.  He unceremoniously asks you to come back to his tiny barracks room since his room mate has agreed to wait in the bathroom if he brings home a girl and you and he can have “privacy”.  Although the offer is oh so appealing, you respectfully decline.  “Bitch,” he spits at you as he stalks away, confused as to why you, a Whore, would turn him down.

But what they don’t tell you is that this is all from the male’s point of view.  There is, surprise, surprise, a female take on a woman’s position in the ARMY.
According to the female perspective, there are three types of women in the military.  You’re going to say I’m generalizing, and I’m going to tell you, oh no, this just the way it is.  There’s the EO-violation-girl, the carry-my-bags-girl, and the dude-chick.  Confused yet?  Don’t worry, I’ll elaborate.

The EO-violation-girl is the one that ruins it for the rest of us women in the military.  EO means Equal Opportunity.  EO violations are used to prevent sexual harassment, racism, or sexism in the military.  Now this is all good and well in practice.  I’m all for the right to be free of any form of harassment.  But come on, it’s the fucking military.  Oops, see, that’s an EO violation right there.  I said the F-word.  Swearing is not allowed, most jokes are forbidden, almost all conversations must be curtailed as so not to offend anyone who may even pass by and hear a simple sentence.  It’s all very… extreme.  And completely useless half the time.  Most guys in the military are what we call a “walking EO violation.”  This means they can’t keep their mouths shut and will quickly tell you can shove your “violation.”  

The EO-violation-girl is the woman who is so quick to write up an EO violation against everyone it makes your head spin.  There’s constantly a scandalized expression on her face and she finds even the smallest comment offensive.  She’s the reason men think we women are easily offended.  She’s the reason military men tense up the second a woman walks into a room.  She’s the one who makes it so damn hard for the rest of us to be accepted.  And if I ever run into EO-violation-girl, it takes every last bit of my strength not to punch her lights out.  EO-violation-girl and I don’t get along.  I want to kill EO-violation-girl.

Carry-my-bags-girl is almost as bad.  She’s the prima donna with her artfully crafted make-up even after sleeping in the middle of a mud puddle in the field for two weeks.  She is woman in a male dominated world and she knows how to use that power to its very best.  A man will do anything and everything for her.  He’ll carry her bags, pulls duty for her, pass her over for extra duty, never make her do manual labor.  She’s feminine and titters constantly, always in a gaggle of similar females.  She’s the one who sleeps with the platoon sergeant to rise up a rank, she’s the one who’s all pretty and undirtyed after a long days work because she didn’t actually do anything.  I always want to bitch slap carry-my-bags-girl.

And then there’s me.  Dude-chick.  If you want to be a real woman in the military, this is the way to go.  Dude-chick is the woman who acts like a man.  She learns to swear like a true soldier, to brag with the best of them, she’s the one who can convince you even a female can have a set of kahunas.  When EO-violation-girl tattles at every joke a man makes, Dude-chick is the one telling the slightly worse one.  A group of soldiers are sitting in a circle, wasting time until the end of the day.  One of the guys, after checking over both shoulder to ensure EO-violation-girl is no where to be seen, starts a joke.  “Why did the woman cross the road?”  
“Who cares,” pipes up dude-chick.  “How’d she get out of the kitchen and who the fuck gave her shoes?”  The group burst out laughing and dude-chick’s proven she doesn’t pull her punches because she’s a woman, and neither should the men around her.  She does things that should offend her-- she smiles when she wants to scream-- she laughs when a joke has gone too far.  But when a soldier calls on her, and sees her as a soldier and not a woman, she is in love with the job, she adores the uniform.  Dude-chick gives up more, works the hardest, and gets the very least appreciation.  She can't screw up, she can't whine, there's no crying in uniform.  But in the end, she is soldier.  She is warrior.  And at the end of the day, she can't help but be proud of herself, despite the sacrifices she makes.